Monday afternoon, snowing, cloudy. I went to my counselor appointment at 2, and now I'm in the computer lab. Not a special day, none a special thing, but the things that I needed to handle been driving me nuts. I hate the way I feel right now. I feel indifferent about a lot of things that i should care about. Everything is wrong yet nothing is really wrong except my whole plate of problems.. It is hard to explain.
I thought that if I cried perhaps, that would release my emotions, but I can't cry. I can't sleep well either. Someone have tried to cheer me up, from telling me jokes to tried to understood my situation, lol. And still, I am in this awful mood. It was supposed to be my relaxing day. A nice quiet day that I normally love after a hectic week. Still my mood is down the drain.
I had a conversation with my counselor today, less than an hour talk, but it does showed me what the problems are, what is the thing been bothering me a lot lately. For a long time, Id been holding my breathe, I swallow everything that either good or bad by myself, I have burdens. Is heavy and stressful, I been carrying all these things from time to time. It didn't hit me until this couple years. I'm tired yet I don't want to give up.
It's just the way it is.
Maybe I am just tired from running around all week.
Maybe I am just tired.
Or maybe I am tired.
I don't know. I hate the way I feel right now. Nothing really helps.
-- feeling at the Moment